September 3, 2005
September 2, 2005
how it feels in to be here
someone asked me how it was to be back...
and I thought it merited posting
You asked me how it was... about how I feel now... and the only answer is... I feel lost. I feel like I am floating in a country that I don't understand. I don't understand anything we are doing. Sometimes I don't know when people are talking to me. I keep thinking that I am hearing other languages and it turns out just to be people mumbling. I spoke Polish to a 5 year old today (no worries, he spoke Polish too).
It doesn't help that I think I don't want to do theatre which leaves me with nothing to do. I have no goals, no hopes, and my dreams have become only to be able to Not throw myself off the roof at work. I want to go back. I don't live here anymore.
I have more to add:
I have to buy a car. I don't want to do that. I owe UTC 20,000. What I need right now, is a fucking purpose.
and I thought it merited posting
You asked me how it was... about how I feel now... and the only answer is... I feel lost. I feel like I am floating in a country that I don't understand. I don't understand anything we are doing. Sometimes I don't know when people are talking to me. I keep thinking that I am hearing other languages and it turns out just to be people mumbling. I spoke Polish to a 5 year old today (no worries, he spoke Polish too).
It doesn't help that I think I don't want to do theatre which leaves me with nothing to do. I have no goals, no hopes, and my dreams have become only to be able to Not throw myself off the roof at work. I want to go back. I don't live here anymore.
I have more to add:
I have to buy a car. I don't want to do that. I owe UTC 20,000. What I need right now, is a fucking purpose.
Jack Gilbert
I was going to post this poem but I can't find it online and I know I have it somewhere and I know I have it on the shelf but I am too tired.
go to amazon.com
look up Jack Gilbert
Find a book of poems called The Great Fires
"Look Inside" til you get to Dante Dancing
Read it.
and something of my own
Work
I have cleaned the popper. I have cleaned the popper. I cut myself 5 times.
obviously I need bed.
go to amazon.com
look up Jack Gilbert
Find a book of poems called The Great Fires
"Look Inside" til you get to Dante Dancing
Read it.
and something of my own
Work
I have cleaned the popper. I have cleaned the popper. I cut myself 5 times.
obviously I need bed.
September 1, 2005
Transporter 2
Rating: PG13 (for partial nudity, tense situations, violence, and mild language)
Summation (Stars given out of 4)
Violence: **
Language: *
Rewatchability: **
Overall: **1/2
Let us take into account that this is an action movie. There are, of course, the required amount of cops cars running into each other: on bridges, in parking garages, on the streets of an infamous drug trafficking city (Miami). There is the naked-as-allowable-for-PG13-movies girl with several large guns. The virus that will destroy the politicians but, there are also many fun surprises. Mixed in with all the To-Be-expected are some surprisingly interesting and expertly choreographed fight scenes (my favorite involving a fire hose {almost reminiscent of Home Alone[minus the annoying kid]}).
Jason Statham gives believability to his character, if not to some of the stunts performed in the film; the acceptability of the action aside, seeing a car fly from one parking garage to another is still a pretty cool trick. My only three problems with the film are these: abrupt and lame ending. Everything just sort of rights itself with no information as to how or as to what happens to the bad guy, a few cheesy bad guy scenes, and some awful plane animation. But it's just an action movie, right? You won't hate yourself for paying for it if action is what you are looking for.
Summation (Stars given out of 4)
Violence: **
Language: *
Rewatchability: **
Overall: **1/2
Let us take into account that this is an action movie. There are, of course, the required amount of cops cars running into each other: on bridges, in parking garages, on the streets of an infamous drug trafficking city (Miami). There is the naked-as-allowable-for-PG13-movies girl with several large guns. The virus that will destroy the politicians but, there are also many fun surprises. Mixed in with all the To-Be-expected are some surprisingly interesting and expertly choreographed fight scenes (my favorite involving a fire hose {almost reminiscent of Home Alone[minus the annoying kid]}).
Jason Statham gives believability to his character, if not to some of the stunts performed in the film; the acceptability of the action aside, seeing a car fly from one parking garage to another is still a pretty cool trick. My only three problems with the film are these: abrupt and lame ending. Everything just sort of rights itself with no information as to how or as to what happens to the bad guy, a few cheesy bad guy scenes, and some awful plane animation. But it's just an action movie, right? You won't hate yourself for paying for it if action is what you are looking for.
August 30, 2005
Making New Friends (Do I dare to eat a peach?)
Some days things go really well.
I threaded all of the projectors (excpet one) for the 7's last night. Learning something in a day feels pretty good. And I only fucked up once, and it wasn't that bad.
I saw The Greatest Game Ever Played secretly last night. I know that it looks like a golf movie and it is disney and all that but, jeez it was unbelievably wonderful. It is really the best thing that I have seen since I got back here (not that the movie selection has been outstanding or anything).
I have been wondering lately......
How much are we required to live in reality? I mean what does that even mean, right? Is it silly to have dreams? I mean any kind of dream.
I want to be cinderella. I do. There is no denying it. Is that any siller than someone wanting to be a stock broker or someone wanting to be house painter?
Even if it is.... does that really matter?
Jeez I feel just as circular as fucking T.S. Elliot right now.
(see post title for continued cirular movement)
I threaded all of the projectors (excpet one) for the 7's last night. Learning something in a day feels pretty good. And I only fucked up once, and it wasn't that bad.
I saw The Greatest Game Ever Played secretly last night. I know that it looks like a golf movie and it is disney and all that but, jeez it was unbelievably wonderful. It is really the best thing that I have seen since I got back here (not that the movie selection has been outstanding or anything).
I have been wondering lately......
How much are we required to live in reality? I mean what does that even mean, right? Is it silly to have dreams? I mean any kind of dream.
I want to be cinderella. I do. There is no denying it. Is that any siller than someone wanting to be a stock broker or someone wanting to be house painter?
Even if it is.... does that really matter?
Jeez I feel just as circular as fucking T.S. Elliot right now.
(see post title for continued cirular movement)
August 28, 2005
hmmm
So what do you do when your dad tells you that you used to be beautiful.
Cry, sounded good to me.
Cry, sounded good to me.
August 26, 2005
August 25, 2005
width="240" height="180"August 23, 2005
August 22, 2005
something strange.
you know I read what other people are blogging and therefore, what other people are doing and thinking and sometimes it just makes me feel really fucking inferior. See there are things that I would like to think of myself. I would like to think of myself as: Clever, Witty, Outgoing, Confident, Happy, Passionate, Caring, Unselfish, Giving, Loving, Beautiful and a plethora of other things. The problem is that I don't feel any of those things strongly. Sometimes I feel clever, but not usually. I feel like since I got back I stopped thinking... and that maybe I stopped thinking while I was gone. Maybe I had to. I go through these periods where I realize that I am not thinking as much as I wish I were; that I am instead just bouncing along... maybe even just rolling along.
Here and now.... I am not doing anything worth anything. I am not helping anyone, I am not saving anything, and I am not making a difference. I want to do these things but I don't know why. Truly, it may be a selfish thing. I may want people to look and me and think that I am a good person and to respect me. But I do truly want to help someone. I suppose the problem is that I don't have any particular gifts that seem to be helpful. There is always that feeling of inadequacy, that feeling that I Can't do anything.... that I can't do enough.
I am making no apologies, nor am I asking for anything here...
It sometimes feels like there is so much to be done. There are so many things I could try to "fix" and I don't know where to start or what is worth my doing, or whether the things I think need changing really do need changing.
Basically I want to be okay with me. I want to accept the fact that I am not the best and the brightest.
basically... and I am not fucking kidding here.... I want to be okay with being A hufflepuff.
Here and now.... I am not doing anything worth anything. I am not helping anyone, I am not saving anything, and I am not making a difference. I want to do these things but I don't know why. Truly, it may be a selfish thing. I may want people to look and me and think that I am a good person and to respect me. But I do truly want to help someone. I suppose the problem is that I don't have any particular gifts that seem to be helpful. There is always that feeling of inadequacy, that feeling that I Can't do anything.... that I can't do enough.
I am making no apologies, nor am I asking for anything here...
It sometimes feels like there is so much to be done. There are so many things I could try to "fix" and I don't know where to start or what is worth my doing, or whether the things I think need changing really do need changing.
Basically I want to be okay with me. I want to accept the fact that I am not the best and the brightest.
basically... and I am not fucking kidding here.... I want to be okay with being A hufflepuff.
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