how it feels in to be here

someone asked me how it was to be back...

and I thought it merited posting

You asked me how it was... about how I feel now... and the only answer is... I feel lost. I feel like I am floating in a country that I don't understand. I don't understand anything we are doing. Sometimes I don't know when people are talking to me. I keep thinking that I am hearing other languages and it turns out just to be people mumbling. I spoke Polish to a 5 year old today (no worries, he spoke Polish too).

It doesn't help that I think I don't want to do theatre which leaves me with nothing to do. I have no goals, no hopes, and my dreams have become only to be able to Not throw myself off the roof at work. I want to go back. I don't live here anymore.




I have more to add:


I have to buy a car. I don't want to do that. I owe UTC 20,000. What I need right now, is a fucking purpose.