November 2, 2006
October 30, 2006
Now don't get me wrong
Chicago is wonderful because it is big and beautiful and a city. I have my own home, I have a job for now anyway, and I don't hate it at all. But I really miss having a boy best friend. Casey is amazing and i love living with her more everyday but, there is something that just isn't completly whole about me here.
Lately I have been taking lots of baths,
sometimes with bubbles and sometimes without. I seem, also, to take a glass of red wine and a pack of cigarettes with me. I haven taken to listening to Sting's new lute album and crying.
Way down deep in my chest is a pain. It is not a dull ache, it is not a constant throb, it is not a broken heart. It feels as if someone has their hands on my emotions. As if all the possible feelings I could have have been bundled in to a quarter sized place in my sternum. everything I could ever feel, I am feeling at once and all the emotion is trying to break free from this space. It is as if all of my emotions were ants in their hill, everyone jostling and fighting to retreat when the water hose is turned on them.
This is it exactly: I am lost.
How does one go about living for themselves. I have been trying to figure this out for years now. I just don't know how to do it. I am happy to have alone time. I am pleased to sit by myself and listen to music, to read, to think, to veg in front of tv, to wander to the park, to ride the el, to do the laundry but, I feel that these are mostly all just tasks to be performed.
Here it is also, Last year living at home sucked but, it also did not suck at all. For the first time I was in my parents house and doing whatever I wanted to do. Much of the perfection of this time is due to Ian, maybe almost 90%. I did not know that I could be so chill. I did not know that I was so astute, or that I loved horror films (the rare good ones) or that I would really love the Nintendo DS or that I would care about the new gen graphics of XBOX360. And we cannot forget the Metal music. Where on earth did that come from. (how Unearthly! (lame joke, sorry)).
I miss him. and David too, of course, although I have been without him longer so it is easier to bear. I know that david is always going to love me and talk to me about books and music and miss me and I am far less sure that It will be the same with Ian.
Maybe all the emotion is just this: uncertainty. Yes. Yes. this is the most uncertain I have been in my life.
Here I am in this beautiful apartment. Come and visit.
Lately I have been taking lots of baths,
sometimes with bubbles and sometimes without. I seem, also, to take a glass of red wine and a pack of cigarettes with me. I haven taken to listening to Sting's new lute album and crying.
Way down deep in my chest is a pain. It is not a dull ache, it is not a constant throb, it is not a broken heart. It feels as if someone has their hands on my emotions. As if all the possible feelings I could have have been bundled in to a quarter sized place in my sternum. everything I could ever feel, I am feeling at once and all the emotion is trying to break free from this space. It is as if all of my emotions were ants in their hill, everyone jostling and fighting to retreat when the water hose is turned on them.
This is it exactly: I am lost.
How does one go about living for themselves. I have been trying to figure this out for years now. I just don't know how to do it. I am happy to have alone time. I am pleased to sit by myself and listen to music, to read, to think, to veg in front of tv, to wander to the park, to ride the el, to do the laundry but, I feel that these are mostly all just tasks to be performed.
Here it is also, Last year living at home sucked but, it also did not suck at all. For the first time I was in my parents house and doing whatever I wanted to do. Much of the perfection of this time is due to Ian, maybe almost 90%. I did not know that I could be so chill. I did not know that I was so astute, or that I loved horror films (the rare good ones) or that I would really love the Nintendo DS or that I would care about the new gen graphics of XBOX360. And we cannot forget the Metal music. Where on earth did that come from. (how Unearthly! (lame joke, sorry)).
I miss him. and David too, of course, although I have been without him longer so it is easier to bear. I know that david is always going to love me and talk to me about books and music and miss me and I am far less sure that It will be the same with Ian.
Maybe all the emotion is just this: uncertainty. Yes. Yes. this is the most uncertain I have been in my life.
Here I am in this beautiful apartment. Come and visit.
September 20, 2006
Moving
SO I have a little more than a week left here in Hendersonville and then it is off to Chicago for me:)
My Address will be
Jess Kenyon
2725 N. Franciso Ave #2
Chicago, IL 60647
at least I think that is the address. If not I will let you all know.
Also, if anyone had any ideas about what kind of job I should do, then please let me know, because I haven't a clue. I would like to make money so that I can save some and travel....
My Address will be
Jess Kenyon
2725 N. Franciso Ave #2
Chicago, IL 60647
at least I think that is the address. If not I will let you all know.
Also, if anyone had any ideas about what kind of job I should do, then please let me know, because I haven't a clue. I would like to make money so that I can save some and travel....
August 12, 2006
Ladies is pimps, too?
so here is question for the ladies...
have you ever had sex that you enjoyed whilst just lying there? I mean sex where you do nothing (except maybe moan) and it be GOOD sex? I don't think this is possible but I am willing to here from other women, just to be sure....
have you ever had sex that you enjoyed whilst just lying there? I mean sex where you do nothing (except maybe moan) and it be GOOD sex? I don't think this is possible but I am willing to here from other women, just to be sure....
July 18, 2006
June 18, 2006
May 26, 2006
sup g's?
Lately I have just been trying to keep things a moving... I have been working A lot and running and trying to eat 3 meals a day.... amazing. BUt I have also been watching some shit:
If you don't know about Deadwood and you know someone with digital cable and HBO then you can watch the some on HBO on demand and you should really get on that shit because cowboys are amazing and this is a completely new world for me.
A quick report:
Da Vinci Code: *
This was one of the most boring and tedius movies I have seen in quite a while. With completely lackluster character portrayl and mind numbing music, I was proud of myself for not falling asleep. this movie was too slow and too long. It also just seemed to suck the life out of a story instead of putting life into it. Someone on NPR said that is was as if everyone in this movie was afraid of taking any risks with their roles ( including Ron Howard) and I couldn't agree more.
X3: The Last Stand: **1/2
So much better than I expected. I had heard such bad bad bad things but I was pleasantly surprised. There was some heart and soul in this movie along with Kelsey Grammar as Beast and he was amazing. Some good fighting at the end and the scenes with Phoenix's Mind control powers taking control were pretty cool looking.
Mission Impossible 3: ***
Fuck yeah J.J. Abrams. The guy who directed this does the shows LOST and until recently ALIAS. He brought some amazing shit to the table and the explosions and deaths in this movie are so well shot that I am surprised I haven't seen it again. So surprised I might go right now.... or in 15 mintues... (HURA!)
Over the Hedge: ***
The best non-Pixar anamation I have seen in some time... It wasn't really extremely laugh out loud funny but I chuckled pretty regularly through out. Bruce Willis and Steve Carrell were great. I like a cookie, indeed!
Art School Confidental: **1/2
I can't possibly spell zweigoff corectly but if Ya liked GHOST WORLD then your sensibilities are right for this movie. Maybe you should see GRANDMA'S BOY right before you see this... lots of the same people and its also really great...I should have more to say about this movie but I am getting tired...
so here are just some stars....
Second Hand Lions: ***1/2
Boiler Room: **
American Haunting: YUCK
Open Range: **** ( SEE THIS MOVIE NOW!)
too sleepy to go on....
saving money for the big move... so if anyone just has some lying around.. I will put it to good use for ya:)
If you don't know about Deadwood and you know someone with digital cable and HBO then you can watch the some on HBO on demand and you should really get on that shit because cowboys are amazing and this is a completely new world for me.
A quick report:
Da Vinci Code: *
This was one of the most boring and tedius movies I have seen in quite a while. With completely lackluster character portrayl and mind numbing music, I was proud of myself for not falling asleep. this movie was too slow and too long. It also just seemed to suck the life out of a story instead of putting life into it. Someone on NPR said that is was as if everyone in this movie was afraid of taking any risks with their roles ( including Ron Howard) and I couldn't agree more.
X3: The Last Stand: **1/2
So much better than I expected. I had heard such bad bad bad things but I was pleasantly surprised. There was some heart and soul in this movie along with Kelsey Grammar as Beast and he was amazing. Some good fighting at the end and the scenes with Phoenix's Mind control powers taking control were pretty cool looking.
Mission Impossible 3: ***
Fuck yeah J.J. Abrams. The guy who directed this does the shows LOST and until recently ALIAS. He brought some amazing shit to the table and the explosions and deaths in this movie are so well shot that I am surprised I haven't seen it again. So surprised I might go right now.... or in 15 mintues... (HURA!)
Over the Hedge: ***
The best non-Pixar anamation I have seen in some time... It wasn't really extremely laugh out loud funny but I chuckled pretty regularly through out. Bruce Willis and Steve Carrell were great. I like a cookie, indeed!
Art School Confidental: **1/2
I can't possibly spell zweigoff corectly but if Ya liked GHOST WORLD then your sensibilities are right for this movie. Maybe you should see GRANDMA'S BOY right before you see this... lots of the same people and its also really great...I should have more to say about this movie but I am getting tired...
so here are just some stars....
Second Hand Lions: ***1/2
Boiler Room: **
American Haunting: YUCK
Open Range: **** ( SEE THIS MOVIE NOW!)
too sleepy to go on....
saving money for the big move... so if anyone just has some lying around.. I will put it to good use for ya:)
April 28, 2006
just like dancer in the dark
i know this is my first post in a while and I should try to keep it light...but
I just saw United 93.
and then I threw up.
just one more fucking amazing unbelievable movie I will never EVER watch again.
I just saw United 93.
and then I threw up.
just one more fucking amazing unbelievable movie I will never EVER watch again.
April 9, 2006
March 20, 2006
so
My brother took my lap top school so I have no internet and it is going to make things a little difficult. I won't be able to reply to email because I won't be able to check it so No one get mad at me here. I am going to try to get on my Dad's work computer but I can only do that when he isn't working on it, and he usually is.
things are going. I'm getting a little scared about moving to Chicago... that is a big step... big jump... little scary but, I think that means it's a good idea. I have been unbelievably scared before all major events in my life and usually the things I think I want to back out of at the last minute are the ones I enjoy most... such as going to college in the first place and going to Brno... but both of those were amazing for the most part....
I'm pretty lonely down here.... and more than a little bored.
things are going. I'm getting a little scared about moving to Chicago... that is a big step... big jump... little scary but, I think that means it's a good idea. I have been unbelievably scared before all major events in my life and usually the things I think I want to back out of at the last minute are the ones I enjoy most... such as going to college in the first place and going to Brno... but both of those were amazing for the most part....
I'm pretty lonely down here.... and more than a little bored.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)