November 14, 2005


Zorro: **
Nice movie for families. The kid in it saves the day. He is smart and funny and a little bit of an ass which, at that age, makes us love him all the more. OOOO, there is also a secret plot to be uncovered, gotta have that. And some horses and a fight on a bridge, these are also totally original. All that sarcasim aside, there is so vile kissing between Antonio and Catherine in this film, don't forget to cover your eyes or you might lose your popcorn. Apparently the more unrealistic the kiss the easier it is to get a PG rating. Whatever.

Good Night and Good Luck: ****
Imagine this for me. Close your eyes and pretend that George Clooney is standing directly behind you, infact, his chest is touching your back. Now imagine that he leans his mouth close to your ear. He doesn't do anything at first but, you can feel his soft slow breathing. Now you will feel his toungue cautiously playing with your left earlobe while he begins to caress your right arm with his fingertips. You with me so far? Absorb this for a second and then realize that in his left hand (the one that is not stroking you) is a big fuck off knife, except that it is too late and he has stabbed you in the chest. This is the closest I can get to describing this movie. Fuck yeah Clooney, you can fuck my shit up anytime.

Mirror Mask: **1/2
The story of this movie is a little lame. Well, the over all premise is cool but the details are a litte sketchy. You should still see it. It was beautiful. Unbelivibly well drawn and colored, the real llife images work magic. It feels like walking through a fucked up pop-up book. Gaiman is working on some other animated movies that are to be coming out, and I hope that all of them are as pretty and visiually fucked up as this one.

Weatherman: ***1/2
It's Nick Cage. I like him. He has that thing that makes me unsure whether I want to slap him or hug him. Everything doesn't turn out all right. Everything isn't perfect. He is a nice guy, and he is trying but he just can't fix everything. Props to the chubby girl in the movie. Gotta be a strong person to take verbal abuse like that. I know I don't handle it well. Props to Chicago for existing.

Derailed: ****
I couldn't believe it. I couldn't fucking believe what this movie did to my insides. Clive Owen was already a god in my book but, Jennifer Anniston kicked some serious ass. I couldn't have done it. I couldn't have done what she did. I don't want to say to much about it just fucking see it. Take someone you can hold on to.

Zathura: ***1/2
This movie is the shit. FUCK YEAH! If you even think you like movies at all you need to see this. These kids are great. They are in space, they have monster problems, they have robot problems, they have sister problems. All of the big bad guys in the movie were acctually made. There were guys dressed as Huge Alligator monsters and they looked awesome. There was an 8 foot tall robot that flew around. It was awsome, too; want to know why? Because they fucking built it. Because it wasn't CG bullshit. It wasn't green screen cut and paste it was acctually there. Hell yeah for spending some money on actual physical properties. Most quotable lines:

Older Brother: Your just jealous because I have a robot and you don't.
Younger Brother: Well what does it do?
Older Brother: I don't know. (then looks at robot and says) Get me a juice box Biatch.

it was awesome.

Coming soon: Harry Potter and Walk the Line on the same day! AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!