I just saw this movie and I don't know what to do with it. Do I look like an ass if I take it seriously? Why is it that I care that I look like an ass anyway? Don't I always look like an ass to someone? I have thought before about the fact that I am already everything that I want to be and everything that I hate. I am selfish and giving and beautiful and disgusting and I am intelligent and I am stupid. I know the wisdom of age and the nievate of an infant. I know all of this... I have tried to come to grips with my hyposcrisy in the past but I am wondering if anyone else does this? I understand that the reason that I don't like girls is because I think they are all prettier than I am, and they get more attention. I want the attention, I get jealous, I don't like women because I am threatened by them. I make myself out to be so fucking smart because it is the thing I have to hold on to. It is the thing that makes me worth something, right? It is the way I can have some attention. It is the thing I think someone will someday fall in love with.
Yes. I hit it. It all comes back to love. It is all about that one thing that I was taught to want and dispite the fact that I realize that fact, it is still the thing I want. Oddly enough I don't want it right now. For the first time in my life, I am absolutely fine with just me. The funny thing is that I am all that stuff up there. I am all of it and so is fucking everyone. Everyone is some of all the things they want to be and some of the things they think they aren't. We are both the things that we emphasize and the things that we try to hide.
big deep breath.
Blogger goes crazy.
Spend hour trying to post.