December 20, 2005

crazy worl d

I met a guy today who I hadn't seen in 5 years and who I only knew for about 2 weeks. I met him in an Olive Garden when I was 17 and we hung out for a little while. Anyway that was fucked up. It made me go back and read my journal from that time and man oh man have I been laughing at my 17 year old self. Journals are cool.

December 17, 2005

thank you Leo

President Josiah Bartlet: Roger, If anything happens, you know what to do, right?

Roger: I honestly hadn't thought about it, sir.

President Josiah Bartlet: First thing always is national security. Get your commanders together. Appoint Joint Chiefs, appoint a chairman. Take us to defcon 4. Have the governors send emergency delegates to Washington. The assistant Attorney General is going to be the Acting A.G. You got a best friend?

Roger: Yes, sir.

President Josiah Bartlet: Is he smarter than you?

Roger: Yes, sir.

President Josiah Bartlet: Would you trust him with your life?

Roger: Yes, sir.

President Josiah Bartlet: That's your chief of staff.

December 15, 2005

December 7, 2005

what is wrong with my computer

I can't load Gmail or basically anything that needs a password. HELP! I scanned my computer with about 3 virus finders and got nothing. I just want to check my fucking email!

December 2, 2005


I started my application for graduate school. holy shit. holy fuckinggradschooljesusfuck.


p.s. Never EVER EVER EVER EVER show a girl this movie.

November 29, 2005

charlie kauffman

"one has eyes that contain the saddness of the world."


November 24, 2005


I really missed having thanksgiving and christmas with my family when I was in Europe. I told them all that. Today I had to work because if you work at a movie theatre, everyone works on thanksgiving and christmas. My family wasn't even going to wait for me to get off work. They weren't even going to call me. I had to call them 3 times before I knew when they were going to eat. they said 5:30. I got home at 5:30 and they were all in the garage getting stoned. I only had 30 minutes. I made that so clear on the phone and they weren't ready for thanksgiving because they were too busy getting fucking stoned.

fuck that shit.

November 23, 2005

David Lynch

Yo estaba bien por un tiempo
volviendo a sonreír
Luego anoche te vitu ma
no me tocóy el saludo de tu voz
Y hablé muy bien
y tú sin saberque he esta
dollorando por tu amor
llorando por tu amor
Luego de tu adióssentí todo mi dolor
Sola y llorando,
No es fácil de entender
que al verte otra vezyo esté llorando
Yo que pensé que te olvidépero es verdad,
es la verdadque te quiero aun más
mucho más que ayer
Dime tú que puedo hacer
¿No me quieres ya?
Y siempre estaré llorando por tu amor
llorando por tu amor
Tu amor se llevótodo mi corazón
Y quedo llorando,
por tu amor
Official Downloads:
Llorando (Film version).mp3Llorando (Band version).mp3
Llorando (Fan Tribute).mp3 (Thread)
Sample of Orbison's Crying


See, this having a period thing sucks. I don't give a shit whether you want to hear about it or not.

See I can go from totally fucking fine to absolutely depressed with this fucking period thing. I just saw myself naked and that alone was almost enough to make fucking sucked anyway. I feel like it is never gonna be good enough. Never. My whole body hurts. My feet hurt like you wouldn't believe. My shoulders are aching. I just want to snuggle. I want to feel that safe. I want to be able to go to bed with someone and just trust them. ahhhhhh. I found it. I want to trust someone. I mean someone I can see everyday and talk to. I trust you guys, atleast the ones of you I know...but shit. I am sorry that I had to write all that above to get at what I wanted.....but that is why I do the writing at all. ..

still need those addresses.

i need this.

I need everyones address for christmas. ANd I mean everyone. Even fucking Mike Hanranhan.

send 'em to me at

p.s. Rent the movie blows. Chris Columbus is letting me down again, and again, and again.

i need this.

November 20, 2005


harry potter, johnny cash,harry potter, johnny cash,harry potter, johnny cash,harry potter, johnny cash,harry potter, johnny cash,harry potter, johnny cash,harry potter, johnny cash,
harry potter, johnny cash,
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harry potter, johnny cash,harry potter, johnny cash,
harry potter, johnny cash,
harry potter, johnny cash,harry potter, johnny cash,
harry potter, johnny cash,
harry potter, johnny cash,harry potter, johnny cash,
harry potter, johnny cash,
harry potter, johnny cash,harry potter, johnny cash,
harry potter, johnny cash,
harry potter, johnny cash,harry potter, johnny cash,
harry potter, johnny cash,
harry potter, johnny cash,harry potter, johnny cash,
harry potter, johnny cash,
harry potter, johnny cash,harry potter, johnny cash,

must sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

November 14, 2005


Zorro: **
Nice movie for families. The kid in it saves the day. He is smart and funny and a little bit of an ass which, at that age, makes us love him all the more. OOOO, there is also a secret plot to be uncovered, gotta have that. And some horses and a fight on a bridge, these are also totally original. All that sarcasim aside, there is so vile kissing between Antonio and Catherine in this film, don't forget to cover your eyes or you might lose your popcorn. Apparently the more unrealistic the kiss the easier it is to get a PG rating. Whatever.

Good Night and Good Luck: ****
Imagine this for me. Close your eyes and pretend that George Clooney is standing directly behind you, infact, his chest is touching your back. Now imagine that he leans his mouth close to your ear. He doesn't do anything at first but, you can feel his soft slow breathing. Now you will feel his toungue cautiously playing with your left earlobe while he begins to caress your right arm with his fingertips. You with me so far? Absorb this for a second and then realize that in his left hand (the one that is not stroking you) is a big fuck off knife, except that it is too late and he has stabbed you in the chest. This is the closest I can get to describing this movie. Fuck yeah Clooney, you can fuck my shit up anytime.

Mirror Mask: **1/2
The story of this movie is a little lame. Well, the over all premise is cool but the details are a litte sketchy. You should still see it. It was beautiful. Unbelivibly well drawn and colored, the real llife images work magic. It feels like walking through a fucked up pop-up book. Gaiman is working on some other animated movies that are to be coming out, and I hope that all of them are as pretty and visiually fucked up as this one.

Weatherman: ***1/2
It's Nick Cage. I like him. He has that thing that makes me unsure whether I want to slap him or hug him. Everything doesn't turn out all right. Everything isn't perfect. He is a nice guy, and he is trying but he just can't fix everything. Props to the chubby girl in the movie. Gotta be a strong person to take verbal abuse like that. I know I don't handle it well. Props to Chicago for existing.

Derailed: ****
I couldn't believe it. I couldn't fucking believe what this movie did to my insides. Clive Owen was already a god in my book but, Jennifer Anniston kicked some serious ass. I couldn't have done it. I couldn't have done what she did. I don't want to say to much about it just fucking see it. Take someone you can hold on to.

Zathura: ***1/2
This movie is the shit. FUCK YEAH! If you even think you like movies at all you need to see this. These kids are great. They are in space, they have monster problems, they have robot problems, they have sister problems. All of the big bad guys in the movie were acctually made. There were guys dressed as Huge Alligator monsters and they looked awesome. There was an 8 foot tall robot that flew around. It was awsome, too; want to know why? Because they fucking built it. Because it wasn't CG bullshit. It wasn't green screen cut and paste it was acctually there. Hell yeah for spending some money on actual physical properties. Most quotable lines:

Older Brother: Your just jealous because I have a robot and you don't.
Younger Brother: Well what does it do?
Older Brother: I don't know. (then looks at robot and says) Get me a juice box Biatch.

it was awesome.

Coming soon: Harry Potter and Walk the Line on the same day! AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

November 10, 2005


I am so tired but:

I will be in chatty on friday and saturday so hang out with me!

also :

if you go see one movie this week make is Zathura. I will review it (and like 6 others! at length later) but for now just see that shit. It was unbelievibly amazing. The best kids movie since The Incredibles. Think Goonies for the '00 generations.

The ONE Campaign

The ONE Campaign

do this. Change something. save someone. save all of us.

November 6, 2005

paul simon

"Someone could walk into this room and say,
' Your life is on fire'."

November 4, 2005


Chicken Little:1/2*
this got a half a star because there is a fish with a glow stick. Other than that this was the worst animated movie I have ever seen and it is definetly in the 10 worst movies I have EVER seen. It was nothing but trite movie bullshit. Think of it as the Scarey Movie of Animation, except without all the funny. THis movis had NO original ideas. It was every movie that had come out and been popular in the last 2 years...the problem with that is, those movies already existed and there was no need to make this movie. Shrek 2, War of the Worlds, StrongBad....and many others. The story was a mess and thrown together like it didn't matter...oh wait, it didn't.

Jarhead: ****
I can't think of anything to dock this movie for. Peter Saarsgard is a genius. It was wonderful. I don't want to ruin it but, if nothing else, you will get some cool new curses. Beautifully shot, excellent story telling. It was the mess of war and life and the joy of being bonded to something. The joy of being needed and the loss that comes with not being needed any longer. This is a good one.

October 27, 2005

movies (finally)

Stay: ***
Although I am still unsure as to what happened in this movie, or what it was all supposed to mean (blah, blah, blah) It was gorgeous. I haven't seen anything else quite like it. The color and contrast of the movie was astounding. The way that sometimes the camera was as we expect it to be and sometimes it was just a view from Ewan McGreggor's face. There was so much silver and chrome. I don't want to ruin this movie so don't read beyond if you don't want to but, I took this to be what happened in the last 20 seconds or so of Ryan Goslings life. The people who are trying to save him became intertwined in a fairytale his brain created for him just before he died. One last story to tell-so to speak.

Domino: **
The movie was visually stimulating in that kind of Fear and Loathing sort of way. Everything is a little fuzzy, a little blurred. To be honest I find Kiera Knightley's voice-overs to be a little grating. The story is interestingly told, and it does leave you wondering what of it was true. The movie is, at best, slow in the beginning, however, it is worth it for the last 45 mintues. There is a scene in the desert with a "street preacher" character that is mind blowing, if only in a dialogical (yeah, I made that word up) way. Go see it, Don't.... I don't think it really matters either way with this one.

This movie was unfuckingbelivable. I loved it. Keanu Reeves was good! I don't mean he was just passable, or that you could stand to watch him...he did a great job. It is, of course, a coming of age story but, told about someone rather unusual. A kid who learns to grow up by being on the debate team. A kid who realizes he doesn't need to win everything to make his father proud. A kid who realizes he is just as lost as his father where it concerns his mother. Yeah...this is the movie to see. Of course, he must also come of age sexually and it isn't good. It isn't the nice sexiness that ends up with everyone being friends and still harboring that tiny bit of a crush for the rest of their lives. It is fucked the fucked up. Thank God. Thank god we realize that sex can be a messy and fucked up thing...and of course the girl (or boy) you always wanted isn't anything like you make-believe them to be.


Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (again) (Rowling)
Confession of an Ugly Step-sisiter (Gregory Maguire)
Wicked (Gregory Maguire)
The Sally Lockheart Books (Pullman)

In the Middle of:
Until I Find You (Irving)

Will be reading:
Eldest (Paolini)
Shalimar the Clown (Rushdie)

Movies to be seen:
Zorro, Saw 2, Dreamer, Prime

Movies I WANT to see:
Goodnight and Good luck
Everything is Illuminated
The Weatherman

October 24, 2005

I just bought

Mom found a gift card which she gave to me. Hoora!
"I got beat up."

- franny berry

You scored as Existentialist. Existentialism emphasizes human capability. There is no greater power interfering with life and thus it is up to us to make things happen. Sometimes considered a negative and depressing world view, your optimism towards human accomplishment is immense. Mankind is condemned to be free and must accept the responsibility.



Cultural Creative














What is Your World View? (updated)
created with

October 22, 2005

Thank you Jack White for that Fiberoptic Jesus that you gave me

I am in Chattanooga and I am sooooo tired! Last night was the fake wedding and it turned out to be a blast. Horray for silliness and drinking. As for the other thing, that thing none of you will know what I am talking about....well as to that thing, it seems to be getting better kind of. It is very dark in this room and also I got like 3 seconds of sleep last night and I am hungry. My tummy is making that grrrrowwwling sound....

October 15, 2005

By the way

I will talk about movies next post but for now

The Chancellor approved my petition for the class switch thing. That means I am an offical graduate of college. Now if someone wants to pay for me to go to grad school.......please do.

October 10, 2005

this is mine.

It is a Chrysler Sebring LXI Sedan. 2002. Leather, 4 cd changer, seat warmers, 80,000 miles. I can't believe I bought a car!

comfort movie

just things

Can I just say that keeping up with Jesse's comments is a ridiculous exercise in futility, atleast on my part. I never was Oak Ridge, it makes things a little harder I think;)

Today I was trying to figure out when it is that we got our dog and, in the process, I found a book of poetry. It is almost everything I wrote from about 13 on. I can not believe I wrote some of this stuff. I am sure that it was good for me but, most of it is awful, which is why I stopped writing for so long. I am getting better at acepting it now. Sometimes a line will just get stuck in my head and I HAVE to write it down. What ever happens after that just comes out. Sometimes it takes me several read-throughs to figure out what it is that I am saying. How odd is that?

Everyone wants someone to appricate the things they have done. Everyone wants someone to tell them they did the right thing, to tell them the stodd up when other people would have fallen. I just want to thank Agnes for taking the time to do that for me. Everyone needs to hear stuff like that. I will try to pass it on... I will try to tell someone I appriciate them as a human. It seems like a good idea.

Believe it or not The Grudge is still freakin' me out...although it was my brother Tim who decided to sleep in my room last night and not I in his. A special thank you to James for talking my down from the horror movie cliff last night.

Car shopping tomorrow.

this..... this is hard. this hendersonville, this lack of people...this feeling of....of nothing. not good. did I tell you guys that my petition to sub a class was denied. i had to petition the chancellor. if he says 'no' the UTC had fucked my shit up. I want to go to grad school in the fall. i hope I can get this shit taken care of by then.

Readin: The Mummy, The Will, and the Crypt by John Bellairs
Bought: The Time Traveler's Wife by Audry Niffenegger
Totally can't wait to own: Cinderella on dvd
Looking forward to: Chattanooga and some good friend time
Hoping: this weeks new movies don't suck
trying: to relax enough to get some good sleep.

October 9, 2005

oh god

I saw The Grudge. I don't care if you think that was a stupid movie I am so fucking scared right now... but I don't live in Japan, I don't speak Japanese, I am not in that fucking house. Theorehtically I should be fine... except I am shaking and i can't hardly type... AHHHH!

Stars given out of 4

Two For the Money: **3/4
This was a pretty good movie for what it was. I am not really a huge gambling movie fan but, this was done alright. Al Pacino is pretty fucking amazing. The dialogue is good, cinematogrpahy is decent. The movie could have used a but more explaining near the end but I have my own conclusions, which I will share with anyone if they wish, but I don't want to spoil it.

Waiting: ***1/2
This movie was hilarious. I really enjoyed the comdey of it. It is going to be one of those movies you drink to with your friends. See it.

Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the WereRabbit: ***
It is wallace and gromit. It rocks. The only things I didn't enjoy were the guest characters. Lady Totington and the other guy looked ridiculous. They looked like someone else made them for another movie and just stuck them in this one. The didn't fit into the world, aesthetically. The story was cute but I think this would have been better as a short.

other than that... I have never ever ever wanted someone I know in my bed more than I do right now. I want to snuggle up with a someone who can hold me really fucking tight and keep me safe because I am scared shitless.

October 5, 2005

what Jesse Said

This is just a copy and paste job from a comment I left on Jesse's Page but, I wanted to be able to find it for myself... so here it is again

Jesse writes:

"I'm not used to it. Life keeps pushing you into different stages of loneliness. No matter where you turn, or who you're with, part of you is lonely. I'm in the relative stages of lonely that exist out of absent friends. I'm not the only one feelin' that. I'm not unhappy, by any means."

I reply:

yes, this is it exaclty. See... you say things that I mean when all can do is cry every week for about 3 minutes. That is just long enough for me to realize that I am not acctually sure what it is that I am upset about...just the fact that my world has been upset and everything is different. It is a good time to be lonely, though. I feel it is good for me. And, oddly enough, I think Brno prepared me for this. I never would have been able to deal with this loneliness if it hadn't been for that loneliness.
does that make sense?

October 3, 2005

The Bends

I want to live and breathe
I want to be part of the human race.

Where do we go from here?
The words are coming out all weird
Where are you now when I need you?

this is it. This is the song to listen to when it is 1 am and you are lying on the floor in a puddle of your own snot and tears. Radiohead is the band for that. Let's just blame this whole thing on the phases of the moon and on the period. Good. Now that we have that settled..........

October 2, 2005

oh so quickly

Stars out of 4

Into the Blue : 1/2 star for good underwater shooting but, this movie needed to be about 1 and a half hours shorter than it was. Dialogue was shit, love story was shit, most of movie was, infact, shit.

Serenity: 1 and 1/2 stars for cool use of language. If you were a fan of the series than this movie might be a lot better for you. I, however, never watched it, and was therefore in the dark. I felt nothing for the characters, or how they ended up because nothing was explained. No relationships were defined and I just couldn't feel anything for them.

other than that: I am going to buy a car soon. Yes, this means that if you are a drivable distance away, I will try to visit.

September 28, 2005

It's all about the CZ

Just thinking about Brno right now makes my heart ache in this way: I feel as if someone is squeezing my actual physical heart and then kind of poking me in the stomach at the same time. My shoulders kind of curl inward and I can't help but close my eyes and bite my bottom lip. It is a deep seeded ache. It is a longing. It is was missing feels like. It is so funny.... How I never really talked to Jef, except I always thought he looked like my kinda kid, I guess I just felt like he and Tom were already buddy buddy. How Jesse and I went through everything only to wind up closer in a completely different way. How We met Andrew in Line at Vinarska and he was just there from then on. How I ate lunch and dinner with Richard and Michael for the first two weeks and we drank gallons of dark beer outside everyday. How Piia was almost to beautiful to be approachable and yet, one of the best people there. How Agnes and I only started hanging out because... Well she was hanging out with everyone else.. And she was the Dutch Laura. How there was so much drama first semester and then almost non second. Lets not forget the first Brit, the Jordanian, and Paul. And Kasia. Thinking about Kasia did it. I got the tears. And Kelsey. The two most fun and amazing ladies on my floor; the people I took the least advantage of knowing...The people I should have known more. And John: who I was such a complete asshole to; for no explainable reason.... Except maybe I always knew and didn't know and I was jealous. I am sorry for that John. And to Fran and Jess who taught me to trust women again. Wow, that was a shock and still is.
This post got a lot longer than I expected it to but, it is dedicated to all you guys. Because you and that place and that time taught me to live again. To reinvent myself. I realize I may not know me very well and I may know myself better than ever. To helping me realize these things: I am selfish, I am manipulative, I am smart, I am a reader, I am a drinker, I am full of shit, I can love, I do love, I will love. I will hurt people and they will hurt me and this is necessary to learn and grow. I am loud because I am hiding. I am learning to be quiet. I am learning not to touch. I have learned I don't need sex to live. I am worth something even if I am not getting laid. I have learned that being touched can be magic and really good sex does exist and should be savored. I have learned how to be angry, and thank god for that. I have learned that I don't believe in god but, I do believe in ghosts and in foreign languages and Nate and his fucking Mac. I believe in the power of Mr. Show to unite us all. I can like Ben stiller, I can read John Steinbeck, I can do a shirtless snow angel. I can gather chestnuts and plant them all throughout my life. I can write and paint and just be.

This was about the ache. That one that turns the shoulders in. The one that is breaking and fixing my heart. It is all I meant to say. It is everything.

September 27, 2005

Heart Shattering

this movie breaks my fucking heart. I love it. The only thing I am missing is a nice big man to bury my face in and cry to my heart's content. This is not necessary but, it would be....Bonus.

September 23, 2005

*Crying a lot*

I just talked to some total stranger who is going to study in Brno at Masaryk and they are going to live in Vinarska and I WANT TO GO!

It was home... ya know.... and in most ways it is still more home than this is.

a real shocker

You are a

Social Liberal
(80% permissive)

and an...

Economic Liberal
(15% permissive)

You are best described as a:


Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating

September 21, 2005

I heart Huckabees

I just saw this movie and I don't know what to do with it. Do I look like an ass if I take it seriously? Why is it that I care that I look like an ass anyway? Don't I always look like an ass to someone? I have thought before about the fact that I am already everything that I want to be and everything that I hate. I am selfish and giving and beautiful and disgusting and I am intelligent and I am stupid. I know the wisdom of age and the nievate of an infant. I know all of this... I have tried to come to grips with my hyposcrisy in the past but I am wondering if anyone else does this? I understand that the reason that I don't like girls is because I think they are all prettier than I am, and they get more attention. I want the attention, I get jealous, I don't like women because I am threatened by them. I make myself out to be so fucking smart because it is the thing I have to hold on to. It is the thing that makes me worth something, right? It is the way I can have some attention. It is the thing I think someone will someday fall in love with.

Yes. I hit it. It all comes back to love. It is all about that one thing that I was taught to want and dispite the fact that I realize that fact, it is still the thing I want. Oddly enough I don't want it right now. For the first time in my life, I am absolutely fine with just me. The funny thing is that I am all that stuff up there. I am all of it and so is fucking everyone. Everyone is some of all the things they want to be and some of the things they think they aren't. We are both the things that we emphasize and the things that we try to hide.

big deep breath.
Spell Check.
Blogger goes crazy.
Spend hour trying to post.

September 20, 2005

a thing I noticed

I am always ready to be let down. I expect it. I do not expect things to work out. I do not expect people to do what they say they will do.

that kinda bums me out.

other than that ....... I am working on getting "I been thinking 'bout my doorbell" into a converstation.

September 18, 2005

If all goes well... I am watching this on Wednesday

Here is Link.

jonathan robbins.... I am looking for you.

Your Superhero Profile
Your Superhero Name is The Wonder GhostYour Superpower is ChemicalYour Weakness is WomenYour Weapon is Your Light TentaclesYour Mode of Transportation is Snowshoes

September 16, 2005

quick reviews

Stars out of 4

Broken Flowers: *
Nothing happens, which can be fine; but not in this case. There was only one segment worth seeing and it happens about 40 minutes in. Bill Murry has no drive, learns nothing, discovers nothing, and ends up more lost than he started out. This seems like it could be a good thing, thinking purely on premise, but it isn't worth it. It just doesn't work.

Lord of War: ****
Wonderful. Well shot, interesting and biting. They just stick it to you at the end. I found it hard to care about Nick Cages Characters Wife and kid but, he is really very compelling. Jared Leto as well....jeez how long has it been since I saw him...well it was Requiem for a Dream, acctually. He does well. You should see this.

Just Like Heaven:**1/2
Yes, it is the Cure song. Yes I am sure that already pisses some of you (Jef) off but, it is a really nice girly movie. It is full of hope and love and Reese Whiterspoon is hilarious. She is Fiesty, kids, let me tell you. Mark Ruffalo, yeah he can be cute but Reese really makes this movie what it is. Ya love her, and girls love the idea of love, right? Anyway, I do. Good Date Movie, Good Period movie, and good I hope someone loves me someday movie. (the 1/2 point is for Napolean Dynomite(awesome!). One thing: they got some bitch singing "Just Like Heaven" in the opening credits and that pissed my shit off, however; they play the Cure in the closing credits. Sadly this is going to be many a 13-year-olds first intro to the Cure and they are probably going to think that it is that Chick's song. Fuckers. Anyway.. I will be cleaning that theatre just so I can scream the cure whilst sweeping up popcorn.

other than that.... well there is not other than that. I go to work, I come home, I watch a late night movie, I go to bed, I get up, I go to work....repeat ad infinitum.

September 14, 2005


I am going to be in Chatt on Oct 20-22 for Rhys' Wedding.

but get the pistols ready will be a showdown.

I am going to see Broken Flowers and 2046 tomorrow....I will post about them.

September 12, 2005

it is true

I need more hugs. Like big freakin' bear hugs. The kind where I can just feel comfortable enough with the person that I can hug them for more than 5 seconds.

September 9, 2005


I have a friend in Hendersonville.

How cool is that shit.

also check this out!

September 7, 2005


house making strange noises. Kitchen making lots of saran wrap noises.....I come to my bedroom and now the roof above my head is creaking. There is attic up there but we don't really have access to it. I have never seen it, nor do I think anyone who lives here has. Little Creeped out. OKay... lots creepped out. Tomorrow I am going to watch This, so I am just asking for it....but if anyone plans on being awake at about 4am my time...let me know.

September 4, 2005

I talked to a very old friend tonight for about 2 hours, which was stellar. It is so great to be able to not talk to someone for about 4 years and just be able to be cool and talk about stuff...

this picture has nothing to do with that....I just had never seen this particular Bruegel and I thought maybe you guys hadn't either.

September 3, 2005

An Honest Question

I was just wondering if anyone still believes in love?

September 2, 2005

how it feels in to be here

someone asked me how it was to be back...

and I thought it merited posting

You asked me how it was... about how I feel now... and the only answer is... I feel lost. I feel like I am floating in a country that I don't understand. I don't understand anything we are doing. Sometimes I don't know when people are talking to me. I keep thinking that I am hearing other languages and it turns out just to be people mumbling. I spoke Polish to a 5 year old today (no worries, he spoke Polish too).

It doesn't help that I think I don't want to do theatre which leaves me with nothing to do. I have no goals, no hopes, and my dreams have become only to be able to Not throw myself off the roof at work. I want to go back. I don't live here anymore.

I have more to add:

I have to buy a car. I don't want to do that. I owe UTC 20,000. What I need right now, is a fucking purpose.

Jack Gilbert

I was going to post this poem but I can't find it online and I know I have it somewhere and I know I have it on the shelf but I am too tired.

go to

look up Jack Gilbert

Find a book of poems called The Great Fires

"Look Inside" til you get to Dante Dancing

Read it.

and something of my own


I have cleaned the popper. I have cleaned the popper. I cut myself 5 times.

obviously I need bed.

September 1, 2005

Transporter 2

Rating: PG13 (for partial nudity, tense situations, violence, and mild language)

Summation (Stars given out of 4)

Violence: **
Language: *
Rewatchability: **

Overall: **1/2

Let us take into account that this is an action movie. There are, of course, the required amount of cops cars running into each other: on bridges, in parking garages, on the streets of an infamous drug trafficking city (Miami). There is the naked-as-allowable-for-PG13-movies girl with several large guns. The virus that will destroy the politicians but, there are also many fun surprises. Mixed in with all the To-Be-expected are some surprisingly interesting and expertly choreographed fight scenes (my favorite involving a fire hose {almost reminiscent of Home Alone[minus the annoying kid]}).
Jason Statham gives believability to his character, if not to some of the stunts performed in the film; the acceptability of the action aside, seeing a car fly from one parking garage to another is still a pretty cool trick. My only three problems with the film are these: abrupt and lame ending. Everything just sort of rights itself with no information as to how or as to what happens to the bad guy, a few cheesy bad guy scenes, and some awful plane animation. But it's just an action movie, right? You won't hate yourself for paying for it if action is what you are looking for.

August 30, 2005

Making New Friends (Do I dare to eat a peach?)

Some days things go really well.

I threaded all of the projectors (excpet one) for the 7's last night. Learning something in a day feels pretty good. And I only fucked up once, and it wasn't that bad.

I saw The Greatest Game Ever Played secretly last night. I know that it looks like a golf movie and it is disney and all that but, jeez it was unbelievably wonderful. It is really the best thing that I have seen since I got back here (not that the movie selection has been outstanding or anything).

I have been wondering lately......

How much are we required to live in reality? I mean what does that even mean, right? Is it silly to have dreams? I mean any kind of dream.

I want to be cinderella. I do. There is no denying it. Is that any siller than someone wanting to be a stock broker or someone wanting to be house painter?

Even if it is.... does that really matter?

Jeez I feel just as circular as fucking T.S. Elliot right now.

(see post title for continued cirular movement)

August 28, 2005


So what do you do when your dad tells you that you used to be beautiful.

Cry, sounded good to me.

August 26, 2005

Are you giving in 2000 man?

Did you love this world and, this world don't love you?

August 23, 2005

home of pohon crew :: fotky

home of pohon crew :: fotky

my "friend" paul djed this thing... he is the bald one...

August 22, 2005

something strange.

you know I read what other people are blogging and therefore, what other people are doing and thinking and sometimes it just makes me feel really fucking inferior. See there are things that I would like to think of myself. I would like to think of myself as: Clever, Witty, Outgoing, Confident, Happy, Passionate, Caring, Unselfish, Giving, Loving, Beautiful and a plethora of other things. The problem is that I don't feel any of those things strongly. Sometimes I feel clever, but not usually. I feel like since I got back I stopped thinking... and that maybe I stopped thinking while I was gone. Maybe I had to. I go through these periods where I realize that I am not thinking as much as I wish I were; that I am instead just bouncing along... maybe even just rolling along.

Here and now.... I am not doing anything worth anything. I am not helping anyone, I am not saving anything, and I am not making a difference. I want to do these things but I don't know why. Truly, it may be a selfish thing. I may want people to look and me and think that I am a good person and to respect me. But I do truly want to help someone. I suppose the problem is that I don't have any particular gifts that seem to be helpful. There is always that feeling of inadequacy, that feeling that I Can't do anything.... that I can't do enough.

I am making no apologies, nor am I asking for anything here...

It sometimes feels like there is so much to be done. There are so many things I could try to "fix" and I don't know where to start or what is worth my doing, or whether the things I think need changing really do need changing.

Basically I want to be okay with me. I want to accept the fact that I am not the best and the brightest.

basically... and I am not fucking kidding here.... I want to be okay with being A hufflepuff.

August 16, 2005

night ghast

most horrible dream ever.. just woke up.... 3:26am. in this lost ther... flap jacks...old lady... keys to house... durnk..somthing wrong with faces.. no moving... must hide keys in underwearhave 2 sets of keys... lighting my leg on fire.. must leave it toburn... sit with another girl and then another....guy taking theletter 'h' upstairs with him.. they need money.. want 10 dollars...iMUSt go to atm.. old lady goes with me... get her money... gas stationguy has seen thing happen before... tries to tell me...... can't...on the oad back home to her house... i try to steer car and can't..try to just drop her off but car drives me into lake before I can doanything.... tree breaks off.... suddenyl from boat perspective...realize all there people were trapped... don't know whyh and now i amtoo...fuck that

August 14, 2005

Manager Jess

Which is pretty much the only thing anyone can say to me latelty.

I cannot do any managerial things right now, so I feel pretty fuckin' useless at work. I don't really like that feeling. I am used to knowing what is going on and although I like learning, I feel bad that all the other managers have to pick up my slack since I am so freakin' new at this.

Mike Hanrarrhahanananaha (sp?) is coming to visit me tomorrow! HURRA!

Right now my life consits of : going to work, sleeping, reading, and doing the crossword.

Here it is: The Golden Compass - Phillip Pulman
Tunes : Abbey Road - The Beatles
Watch'n' : Man on Fire

August 6, 2005


So.... I am graduating on Sunday. I came home from Chattanooga today only to get called into work tonight...only to find I have been promoted. You are now reading about a Regal Cinema Assitant Manager. I couldn't be prouder.

Will be degreed in 36ish hours and counting.

August 4, 2005


not feeling good. have to go to chatt tomorrow. think i will go home same day and return to chatt sun for graduation.

sorry if not coherent

August 1, 2005

Moving, The Lady Doctor, and Sky High

So I moved into my brother Jason's old room today... well mostly moved anyway. I scavanged a bookshelf from another part of the house, only to find that I still have 7 liquor boxes of books to put up, and no more shelf. I guess that is the first thing I have to buy.

After seeing the lady doctor I needed a bit of a pick me up and so I went to see Sky High. Yes, I know... but it did have the Narnia and Harry Potter 4 trailors in front of it. It wasn't that bad really... acctually really punny. I was the only one laughing half the time but, that doesn't seem to really matter... we have been selling it out since the release on Friday.

BY the way... I am coming to Chattanooga on Friday and I need a place to stay Friday and Saturday nights... so anyone who wants to put me up is more than welcome. I will get done with my shit around 2 and then probably head to the theatre. Anyone interested in letting me sleep at there place should totally send me an email!
l i l y i r i s @ g m a i l . c o m (the spaces are for posting safety only;)

all in all... not a bad day.

July 30, 2005

Name that film!


I did things in HTML! I added underlines on my sidebar and I changed words and I don't care how silly that is, I think It is fucking amazing.

Can't Sleep.....I can't stop my brain. You know it's three weeks; I'm going insane.

I have dedcided I am going to walk for graduation.
I hate that Andrew still pisses me off, because I am sure he doesn't mean to.
I don't know about this steve thing.
Working at the movie theatre makes me feel really stupid; I feel the constent need to defend my job, even though no one is asking me to.
All the people that I know here are under 20.
There is no tea in the house.
I could use more hugs.
I feel pretty bad about the Rhys thing. (and the james thing).

That may sound like bitching, and maybe some of it is, but mostly I just needed to say it.


Universe Today - No, Mars Won't Look as Big as the Moon

Universe Today - No, Mars Won't Look as Big as the Moon

So my dad told me that Mars was going to be as big as the moon... although that isn't true.. it is still going to be fucking cool.

Look I can post a picture!

July 28, 2005

Home sweet home.. at least for now.

So here I am in a brand new place. It feels kinda of weird to have so few posts! I feel like I have some catching up to do. I must also seem rather hard to please as this is my third domain since I started blogging when I was about 14. Sadly that first webpage was lost, or changed rather and I didn't save the first draft. Anyway....

I watched This today. I thought it was alright considering that I have recently been subjected to This and This.

July 27, 2005

July 2, 2005

THis is only a test